Is passionate kissing bad? Everyone I talk to gives me a different answer.

For the couple that is saving sex for marriage, passionate kissing is like a fifteen-year-old sitting in a car in his driveway, revving up the engine while keeping the car in park because he knows he does not have the license to drive.

I believe that the difficulty with passionate kissing is harder for girls to understand, because they tend to be aroused sexually in a more gradual way than guys. He might be content for some time with just kissing. But when a couple have passionate make-out sessions and try to draw the line there, one of two things will eventually happen: either the original boundaries will disappear, or frustration will set in. In the one case, sexual arousal will become routine, and the couple will begin to justify new forms of physical intimacy. Perhaps they will stop the first, second, or third time, but gradually the old boundaries will be pushed back because they begin to experience the intoxicating bonding power that awaits couples in marriage.

Otherwise, one of them may end up hearing the same thing this girl did: “My boyfriend and I don’t go any further than making out, but recently he said to me after we were kissing, ‘Don’t you ever just get . . . bored?”’

I often receive e-mails from abstinent couples who say that they really love each other and want to stay pure, but they keep falling again and again into the same sexual mistakes. They have stirred up that desire, and they are finding that such desires are not easily tamed once they are awakened. These couples want to sit on the fence and keep some sexual intimacy while avoiding going “too far.” But they’re realizing that men and women are not made to work that way.

Nevertheless, some say that passionate kissing is really no big deal and does not mean anything. But isn’t there something in you that wants it to be a big deal?

Ask yourself what your kisses are worth. Are they a way to repay a guy for a nice evening? Are they a solution to boredom on a date? Are they a way to cover up hurts or loneliness? Are they merely for “harmless” fun? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then we have forgotten the purpose of a kiss and the meaning of intimacy. So, do not segregate parts of your sexuality as “no big deal.” Your entire body is an infinitely big deal, and this includes your kisses. If we realize this, the simplest of kisses becomes priceless and brings more closeness and joy than 100 one-night stands.

So before you go there again, consider saving the passion for your bride or groom. In the long run this will bond the two of you much closer than all the “experience” the world recommends you have before marriage.